You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
