dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
