using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
