you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
