Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
