Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
