I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
