I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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