Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
