Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
