I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
