I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
