i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
