just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
