FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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