my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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