We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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