That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
