i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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