he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
