Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
