does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I could have mohawked her pubes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
