It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
