I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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