The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
