Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
