So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
