he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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