Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
