Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
