your room smells of hookers.
And success
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
