There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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