We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
