Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
