Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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