I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
