Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
