I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
