2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
