Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
