I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
