he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
