she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
