Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
