This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
