i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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