i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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