And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
