That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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