In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
