I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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