he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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