just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
