It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
