Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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