so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
