so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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