He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
